I am the firstborn in my family. The oldest of three girls. I had a fabulous childhood and I cherish so many of the fun memories of playing with my sisters. But if you would ask them what I was like, I’m sure they would include the word bossy. I know this. We talk about it now and giggle. But back then, I thought I knew it all. Everything that I did was the correct way, and everyone was to do as I say. I know as a child I didn’t consciously know what I was doing, but now that I am an adult I look back and realize how mean I could be at times. It breaks my heart and I wish I could go back and change the way I treated them. Particularty my middle sister.
Every time I leave the country, I secretly like having time to just sit on an airplane and think, pray, and listen to God. (Now don’t get me wrong, 27 hrs is probably TOO much time, but I enjoy the first few hours). So yes, I am currently on a plane reflecting on my life and how God wants to change me, AGAIN. 2 years ago was my first trip to Cambodia, and that trip marks a pivotal point in my life. I haven’t been the same since. The things that my eyes saw changed my heart in ways that I could’ve never imagined. I was humbled in so many ways and I knew that I had to change the way that I had been living. Luckily, my husband was with me and we were both on the same page. But since that trip to Cambodia, I see things in a different light. I have a new calling on my life. I returned home and made a drastic change in my priorities. I quickly learned that others weren’t going to understand or even grasp my vision. It made things difficult as I changed my focus more globally. I still sense that others don’t understand and tend to be judgemental. But I have learned that I am to continue to follow God and obey Him. Not man. That has not been easy for me to do. And I know I started being a people pleaser when I was young.
As I sit here and think of that, one of my sisters comes to my mind. She has never cared one single bit what others think of her. She is confident in herself and she knows who she is. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. When we were little, she saw right through me and knew that I was trying to be accepted and get approval from people and unfortunately, I was mean to her at times in order to accomplish that.. I have so many regrets for my past behaviors, I am thankful for her forgiving heart. I admire her so much for who she is and I am thankful and proud to have a sister like that. She has taught me so much!
I have gained so much confidence now that my entire heart is “working for the Lord”. So, regardless of what people think, I am on my way to Cambodia. I haven’t been here in over a year. I am thrilled to see my friends and the smiles on the faces of all the women and children that we are impacting. I am even more excited to hear what God has in store next for these people. They have stolen my heart and I am so humbled that God has chosen me as one of his servants in this country. I pray that my actions shine so brightly for Him over the next week and the Cambodians that I come into contact with can see that there is something different about me. I want them to know the same Jesus that I know. I ask you to pray along with me and let God do the work. Thanks for following!